why does my husband tell his mother everything
Jahman, Third World, Koffee, Pressure. Family Manipulation: Signs, Tactics, and How to Respond - Healthline document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Mummy Tales is a blog designed to inspire, educate, motivate and reassure young mums, helping them know that they are not alone in the motherhood journey. Hey Kate, Thanks for sharing your experiences with youre Mum. David, I agree that you should start with joint counseling and individual counseling. But, while its normal to want to be understood, we cant depend on others to validate who we are, what we believe in, and how we feel. So later we get into a simple fight and he says that he unblocked her on social media because he was mad and is a revengeful person who just wanted to piss me off. Still swears he hasnt spoke to her. FYI, Adult Children of Alcoholics has broadened their name to Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families because the effects are essentially the same. And he is taking the easy way out in arguments twisting the argument around, blaming you, and then not doing the inner work, like you are. Oh boy. I got all this today. I never comment on anything but decided Id share because I am trying to cope with feeling trapped in a marriage like this for 5 years. (Solved) April 30, 2020 by Alicia My husband defends his mother over me, a thought that goes through the mind of every married woman at some point. Our feelings do matter. My ex husband and I did this when married. Emotions serve an important purpose and shouldnt be ignored. He dismisses me as making a big deal out of nothing and of not feeling what Im feeling. I really handled it the wrong way. I told him about my discomfort and his response was I dont See anything wrong with it. When I shared my feelings, not only did she invalidate them, her husband told me that my feelings were bull Sh __. I was never good enough for my father and was always told I would never amount to anything in life, also I was called a girls name Jennifer by him if I ever showed sensitivity as he felt that was girly behavior for a man. Generally, the closer the relationship you have with someone, the more important it is for them to understand your feelings. My elder sister was (and still is according to my young sister) very very disruptive in the house every day uncontrollably angry, shouting at the family members and threatening them and physically abusing us (including hitting my Mother with any at hand implement). I guess I wish I could be as useful to her as she seems to find her dad is. I bet he hasnt ever. I advise anyone who feels that their feelings are not important or that they do not matter, seek help. 1) He's cheating Many men are loyal and don't cheat. Tell . 1. Sometimes its unintentional, but its a sign of emotional abuse when done repeatedly and intentionally. 20 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship And What to Do I told myself in my head that it has nothing to do with me and that hes just an empty vessel and his dismissal of me is a reflection of his own issues. Wishing you the best, William. 2021 Sharon Martin, LCSW. The first time I expressed to her that sometimes her sarcasm at my expense was hurtful and she responded by getting extremely agitated and leaping off the couch and saying, well I dont think this relationship is going to last. I wasnt trying to end the relationship I was only trying to express my feelings. Theres peace and strength that comes with acknowledging harm but not seeing oneself as a victim. It is Adult Children of Alcoholics AND dysfunctional families. Thank you for the article. I have a good sense of self, so I would always get frustrated when my family would misunderstand my emotions and try to make me feel like an angry person. I always felt that I was fighting against something to prove that my feelings were valid and that I wasnt a crazy person. Denying what you're saying. Wanting to have the last word. Hes not lazy, he is helpful, he likes to work and provide, etc. Dont make assumptions. She does sound like a narcissist. I begged him to help me look for the fire which turned out to be a brush fire outside our window from a cigarette. But first, you need to end it. Break it off. My family even tried to make me feel like my constant frustrations made me someone undeserving of love. A year of it was like yours. I wonder if you could speak a little bit more to the reasons why a person might try to invalidate a persons feelings, other than them being emotionally ignorant or Other times, emotional invalidation is a form of manipulation and an attempt to make you question your feelings and experiences. The bad thing is that due to her invalidation I cannot be friends with her-I dont have any emotional need met with her and dont feel safe with her. I didnt bring up the subject myself. I took care of the lunch and I did a bunch of work too! I was not trying to say that she was not helpful, I was only trying to express that I didnt appreciate the way I was being spoken to. I have questioned him several times to see if he has reached out to her. Your husband doesn't need to be out with mates or off playing sport to make you feel this way. It hurts me deep. I have dealt with this for at least 10 yrs and it finally hit me that thus is so wrong and all of the people who have dealt with the same feelings. I am the one who needs help, not him. Am I playing the victim or is he invalidating me? Its also important for you to care about, understand, and validate your own feelings. A Because you cant change somebody who sees no problem in what you are perceiving to be a problem. Brittany, Youre right that you have to be accountable for your choices/actions just as your partner needs to be for his. When we do, we compromise pieces of who we are in order to fit in and let others determine our self-worth. You are the only one who can validate your feelings and deem them acceptable and legitimate; no one can do it for you. Youre invalidating most all of the people reading this. I myself attended good schools, so I didnt see why I shouldnt give my children either the same or better. It has gone above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Have you had any counselling around this? 9 Signs of a Controlling Partner - Psych Central He makes me feel bad for feeling what I feel and for doing the things I want. Whoa John. Validating is about acknowledging and empathizing. Not me, but the antidote is ground rules and boundaries. I havent dated/kissed/liked anyone since. That makes me so tired and puzzled that I distance from everyone even more: I spend more time on googling, and take even longer to reach received texts/stuff which I find sent to me via internet, Hello Vika Its the same with me too. Login first I have developed some very self damaging behavior and thoughts which I still have not been able to come out of. When your feelings are minimized or denied, its natural to want to defend yourself or to strike back and emotionally wound the perpetrator. Try to refrain from using judgmental or accusatory . All this time I have been so sad. 13 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband (And What to Do) - LifeHack too fat to be sexual with or seen with, HELP ME KEEP SANE. Very confused and sad about it all. I have a father that invalidates my feels every chance he gets. I simply exhibit learned reactions to emotions. He didnt see any need to change because he had no problems. That saved my life and my marriage. Before there were children, I suppose life was easy to be happy. Just walk the other way and know you are valid. He went outside and saw the shrub on fire which caused smoke to come through the dryer vent into the house. As Im writing this to you, Im realizing what I need to do in my situation. it's a denial of you or your experience. On such days, all three children usually have so much fun with him painting, drawing, coloring, kicking ball, playing chess and doing other fun dad-child-sibling activities. Hi from Lloydminster Canada and wishing everyone a bit of happiness including myself one day . But alone time is very different from feeling alone. It has put me in a forever uncomfortable kinda state. She was ANGRY when she says this!! When i finally came home I tried to talk to my mother about my experiences and all she said was you survived it. They have to, as its the only way they know to survive. Dont let anyone invalidate you. Im gradually developing strong feelings of resentment towards him especially now that the children are growing and beginning to see the subtle prejudice between his behavior when Janelle is around and the other times. If Your Husband Chooses His Family Over You, Here's What To Do Thanks for reading! This gave me an opportunity to work on myself. You are. It has created some very deep wounds, I dont have any intention to fix things between us anymore. I agreed with him on everything and told him you are right, I am all that and have done everything you say, I need help, and I will go by and do whatever you say since Im so crazy than i will let you tell me how to think feel and speak. That I just need to get over the traumas that I have suffered in my 21 yrs of life. Hi Laura, I recently had a friend Ive known for several years completely turn on me because I did not give her my complete attention, and validate her point of view in a way that she deemed appropriately validating. To think that i waited until I was 73 to seek help just makes me so mad. I did this because Ive never had feelings so strong for anyone and this terrified me. If you ever notice that it is a repeat pattern where your partner invalidates you just leave. Im still on the floor crying, telling him how much I love Him and how much he hurt me and asking him why he would do this. Are they right? I love her and my grandson very much, but I stress her out for some reason. In case you missed last weeks article, here it is: 16 Great Potty Training Tips from Moms. I cannot fathom. Moms, what advise would you give me? My husband says he will tell his Mother everything!!!!! - Mumsnet Ive heard this a lot lately. Everyone needs to understand each others feelings, whether they are our parents at home, our husbands, or our siblings. During the 1980s, this phenomenon was dubbed "Peter Pan syndrome." Im really sorry youre experiencing this David. Becoming short and snappy. When I try to engage conversation regarding any of this, since Im being told I dont feel what I know damn well I do feel, I get frustrated. None of this can go on any longer and for that I will a different kind of help. Only things that have value to her are important. We had a fight on the night before my birthday, approaching midnight where I told him about how I was feeling, it escalated into a big fight and he stormed out without resolving as he got mad and said he always felt blamed. So our healing is most critical to stop attracting it. As the spouse of a narcissist, I am the one with the problemthe one who is too sensitive, the one who cannot take a joke. Others may try to invalidate my experiences and feelings, but I will hold on to my truth. My parents have been extremely invalidating my whole 25 years of existence not intentionally though. Over explaining himself when you simply made a statement. What do you think about this moms situation? I am like thinking What the heck?! Sometimes, its not even as much as the words he says, but how he says them. I know its hard but Id cut him out of my life. A lack of safety in the relationship. I can choose not to spend time with people who continue to invalidate my experiences and feelings. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. People married to these individuals might complain about having an immature husband who does not behave like an adult in their relationship. I cant tell her how I feel without her bringing herself into it. Tell your husband to ask his parents to choose one destination and the second holiday destination will be your choice. You cant scold someone who literally doesnt know any other way to live. I am very codependent and have some abandonment issues from my mom and my dad. My other friend angry responded to me, YOU have to let that go! I am writing this as a desperate person. it was just a shame that after the day my husband and I were told 2 days before our wedding that he had stage 4 genetic kidney cancer that our kids will have to be tested for the gene at that time was recently pregnant and with a son also aged 12-13months old and had a daughter in the end also too btw. Why do you think thats ok to do? They make decisions for you. its a denial of you or your experience. He has never hit me. Emotional intelligence is the thing that people are taught the least in their lives. You can purchase the entire meditation (audio and PDF) below. 1. I know that this is a little late, and I know that more than a year has passed. I know how unsatisfying this can be! This is what my sister does. I wanted to bolt. We would also save a certain amount each month in a joint account. He kept saying over and over again I was crazy. He tells what what he said, what he did, what others said, what others did. Hi Shannon, I just created a new Self-Validation Worksheet. & Im so confused about my feelings. 1. My ex girlfriend, who I still see and very much love, always tells me that I dont care, I have no feelings. My husband and her mother have a co-parenting agreement, which sees the girl (lets call her Janelle) come over to our house on some weekends and during the holidays. If your guy is not sleeping with you, it is possible that he is getting it from somewhere else. This list goes on and on. Marriage . He waited 5 minutes and then started talking about his job (pretty much the only thing he can talk about..very shallow subjects requiring little introspection or self-awareness). When you start feeling alone while you're in a relationship, it's a big red flag that your other half isn't putting you first. Is it doing YOU any good????!!!! Though Im 47 and only just realising the extent of her behaviour towards me, its particularly obvious when I criticise her, I think she struggles to process other peoples emotions, or process her own when shes upset someone, perhaps your mum is similar. My young sister (now 61 years old) said my mother (who passed away 8 years ago) who she really got on closely with said she hated my fathers bullying of me and it made her cry. Has this person been interested in understanding your feelings in the past?
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why does my husband tell his mother everything
