wife always complains about my mother
We do kind of the same thing, but playing with the dog in the backyard. With my ex-husband, it also started to feel like enabling after a while- he hated his job, and would complain about it endlessly, but always had a reason why he couldnt/wouldnt change jobs. Yeah. Id need to take a huge pay/benefits cut to do something else, which we cant afford. He goes there because he feels safe there and knows that for his mother, her child is always right, and he wants to hear that. But he also does gripe about all sorts of petty (to me) things, as others have wondered about for OPs wife. I have some sympathy with your wife as I like a good moan too and I find it cathartic to let off some steam. If shes complaining because she processes things by talking about them, then the ideas from other comments about journaling or talking to a pet will be helpful, but if shes looking for acknowledgment or validation of her feelings, those suggestions might just make her more frustrated. This a page seems more focused on a womans self-centered in-security concept of how her man should worship her as is his queen..While he must adhere to his wifes wishes to to keep peace in Her relationship with Him Its called female domination to control her personal insecurity issues..So she can feel more secureAll the while leaving her husband to carry a guilt complex by not allowing her spouse to show some minimal parental respect in his own right respectively to his own parents..By not showing any interest in her husbands desire of respecting his parents in any form. Your husband is already used to criticizing you in front of others. Its time for her to learn to let her son solve his own problems. Yes, hello, I had this exact issue with my husband this year. Because he is immature and irresponsible, he doesnt respect you enough, but above all, he hasnt learned some fundamental rules in marriage. Money Complaints | Talk About Marriage Your mother-in-law has no right to criticize you just because she does not agree with some issues in your relationship with her son. If this womans job is that bad, she needs a change. There is a fine line here and it can sometimes be hard to tell where it is. As she turns the corner onto your street, whose car does she spot in the driveway? But having that decompression time between work and relaxation time helps ensure work doesnt crash the relaxation party, ha. So I turned to that for my outlet. What would make her happy? But longer term, it might be better for the OPs spouse to change things up so that every workday is not so costly to their executive functions. ), but with an empathetic tone. And also let her know he is there for her and willing to support her in any way he can. I just ended up holding the phone away from me and then periodically going uh-huh into the phone and then holding it away again. It's the Thursday "ask the readers" question. But she needs a neutral third party to get to the root of her discontent. How do I transcend the current pressure, or how do I break away to something better?. Work together to make the marriage a secure place within which problems can be solved without the interference of other people. Youre in charge of communicating what *you* need, feel, expect, or will/wont do. Definitely worth asking, why is she still in this job, or why does she feel unable to quit. 8 Reasons Why Do Women Complain So Much | Marriage.com My partner is also a nurse, and our vent time is while he is taking a shower. My husband being more involved in the conversation- really hearing and validating my experience, and also actively bringing up other topics besides work. Engage in self-care. Gossip is a communal form of complaining that gets positive attention in certain situations. I think this is brilliant. Spouse and I have had a lot of success using techniques from the Gottman method, as taught to us by a marriage counselor. Let er Rip! For only X/min Ill listen to your complaints and appropriately throw in No!, Really?, She didnt!, Well that sucks. Win-win-win: complainer gets to let it go, SO doesnt have to listen, and I get paid. Do you have any ideas? Designated days to focus on the positive- everything that needs to be complained about has to wait until the next day, The biggest thing that helped us was for my husband to lovingly explain that this wasnt helping bring either of us joy (and was driving us apart) and for me to read Alisons posts about how complaining really makes it worse. I definitely agree with Alison that you need to talk to her abut the effect the constant negativity has on you. Just remembers it was a very good job with excellent benefits (paid for her Masters degree). It's exhausting having to cater to someone's every whim, and it is not fair in the slightest. Thats all there is. This. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Finding a healthy balance is important and being in touch with your own happiness not just theirs., Everyone has bad days, but it's awful when your spouse's negative energy drags you down all the time. My friend went on and on about her job. But the other thing is your wife should respect your boundary. ), I listen to the amount that I am willing to listen to, and I point out that were both home together and he deserves better than having them steal his free time in addition to his on the clock time. Its not easy to find a position that is is better fit, and its very scary, but it will improve everyones life. OP and Wife get to breathe separate and alone for a while and process their day. But still kept that job and complained about it to anyone who would listen. wanting to be near family), the whole field is like this and in order to improve things shed need to retrain for a different field? This can work with gossip, too, at least in terms of me not having to listen to it! Honestly you could make bank off of this. Some closing thoughts on complaining: I know I was raised to never express anything negative ever, and it took me a long time to understand that complaining can actually be good, because its, well honest. This isnt to say that you shouldnt be bothered by the level of complaining youre receiving, of course! He feels done. I would get done with my day and just vent to my wife for the rest of the evening. That made me realize all I did was complain to her, and that it was more habit than anything else. Either theyre processed and shes stuck in a rut, or theyre still not processed and shes spinning her wheels ranting, and needs help getting over that obstacle. I would stand there with my coat on and my bags and listen to him dump and dump and dump on me emotionally. Its had a positive impact on my whole life. [] I do not want to deny my wife the opportunity to talk things out but want to get the complaining down.. I used to write rants and email them to myself. Complaining is often due to a genuine feeling that the world is a bad place and that one's life is harder than most, notes Winch. My friend felt that her coupledom had ceased to exist. Is your wife asking you to report to her about where you are going, who you're with, what time you'll go home? You dont have to complain about everything, means OP hears all or most of what his wife says as a complaint. Remember feeling like a team? If so, then have you tried being very clear that youre willing to discuss these issues when they are from the perspective of: How do we improve this situation? (You mention that you wife feels this is not a time to talk through it, but its hard to tell from your letter if/how much youve pushed back on this.) She may be unaware how much complaining shes doing. my wife has a problem with my mom | Talk About Marriage not complaining today! or something as a way to break my own habit. I find this to be true too. It makes me feel better to rant about the stupid report doesnt produce the right results if you put in a date range but if you put in a specific day it does (!!??). When your spouse pretends you don't exist or that you don't matter, it hurts a great deal. Thanks. I dont want to hear about her every day! And, it worked; I managed to figure out how to be less vocal about a thing I couldnt change and my bosses wouldnt. Its not up to you to fix that for her because shes not broken. Our marriage is better though, and I feel more sympathetic when he DOES share a complaint because its not so constant. take it out on the staff so I didnt put my husband and kids through it.. Maybe shell see how frustrating it would be to have to be on the other end of that all the time and will keep her complaints to that journal. Letting her know that it is hard on your mental health and stress management, and ask her what ideas she has for taking most of the complaining off of you. The kind of guy that goes to work every day, makes sure all the bills are paid, you know Rock of Gibraltar type person. But this is not the advice I would give to the letter writer!! But dont expect her to intuit *your* needs from your suggesting changes to *her* process. This is what I came here to say. That all being said, I can tell you something that works for me. Offering specific solutions is just not whats needed here. Selftalkplus.com (there is a corresponding book to explain the science behind it). When I dont ask enough questions, she complains that Im not getting the timeline. I totally get that its too much for you! We did at one point decide during the toxic job years to limit the time allowed for venting. You cant necessarily change her behavior, but you can set and enforce your own boundaries. Her current job is very stressful, so whenever I give her a ride home from work, theres usually at least one vent about something that happened during her day. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 Reading this and the following comments was really nice, because I am married to a reformed complainer. In the interim (while job searching), if her work offers it, OPs wife could use the EAP benefit for counseling or other services. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training. I highly recommend the book Positivity by Barbara Frederickson. It helped a lot, because it is good to talk things through outside the office setting, and get that transition time in, but it prevents the social event from becoming extended office hours. While it *technically* is a choice, a lot of people process their feelings best verbally, and it isnt a moral failing to do so.
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wife always complains about my mother
