Quirky Questions: Abusive Relationship
By: Ste McCabe / The Tarot Cat
Dear Tarot Cat,
I love my partner dearly, and 80% of the time he is the best company ever. But he has been diagnosed with a personality disorder, and sometimes he treats me terribly and I can’t cope with the emotional abuse which comes through when he goes on a downer. Can the cards help me deal with this situation?
H
i there,
Firstly, thank you for reaching out with this extremely difficult question. I do hope that you are doing okay. This sounds like such a conflict of emotions for you, as on the one hand you clearly love your partner deeply and are able to connect what is happening to his personality disorder, and yet on the other hand, you know that emotional abuse is not acceptable and you recognise the deep upset that this causes for you and your relationship. Before I go ahead with the reading, I would like to gently suggest that any kind of abuse is not okay (regardless of the complex reasons behind it) and I would strongly recommend getting some professional support. You can find out more about what’s available through our helpline page.
For your reading, I drew one card from the Russian Tarot of St.Petersburg to offer some kind advice for approaching this situation.
The card I drew was the Queen of Coins.
The Queen of Coins sits on her throne in a dark room. Adorned with colourful expensive-looking clothes and a crown, she sits with her arms rested at her sides in an open gesture. Her head leans forward in an understanding nod, and a large coin rests near her feet. At her window sits a table with fruit, symbolising generosity, and the sky outside of her window is a beautiful deep blue, suggesting that the card is set deep in the summer time and symbolising brighter, clearer days ahead.
Funnily enough, this card seems to mirror what I had already mentioned before even turning the card over. The Queen of Coins (or Pentacles, as she is in most tarot decks), is very often seen as a representation of generosity and support. Pentacles represent the element of Earth, and often relate to very practical matters such as home, finances; the very physical things that we need to survive. This firstly suggests to me that although your situation is a very emotional one, this is obviously having an affect on your sense of safety at home, and is asking you to work on making your practical life one that is comfortable and safe for you. In the tarot ‘court cards’ (which are four cards in each of the Minor Arcana suits: Queen, King, Knight and Page), the Queen can be seen as both a figure of authority, and simultaneously a feminine figure.
Now, when we’re talking about masculinity and femininity in tarot, we are not talking in the stereotypical male-female sense, so the Queen of Pentacles can represent a figure of any gender. However, this figure would represent someone who embodies the traits that society has (stereo)typically associated with women – care, generosity, listening skills, and a much ‘softer’ edge than we might expect from the King of Pentacles (who, likewise, can also represent a person of any gender!). Court cards often represent either facets of ourselves or actual people present in our lives, and I get the sense that the queen is representing someone who is able to help you through this.
You say that your partner is amazing for 80% of the time, and that’s a beautiful testament to your positive approach to making this work. On the other hand, to experience emotional abuse for 20% of your relationship is a big, big chunk in your life. The Queen of Coins, sitting in her throne with an open gesture, looks to me to be a mediator, a supportive figure, someone who – like her in this image – has understanding for both of you and is really willing to give. My sense is that this situation is too sensitive for you to involve a friend or family member with – after all, our friends and family have natural biases and often want to comfort us and often say what we want to hear. The official stance of the Queen of Pentacles suggests a professional. A professional has the outsider view and experience that is really needed here – whether that’s to act as a mediator for you both to express things that are hard to express in the ‘heat of it all’, or to give you both practical tips on how to navigate your future and manage your relationship, you need to meet this Queen of Pentacles pronto! She could be in the form of a counsellor, a helpline support worker, or someone else – but this card has ‘professional help’ all over it. As with all cards in tarot, we can’t just sit and wait for things to happen – tarot cards always suggest potentials that are waiting for us, but we also have to go and look for it too.
I appreciate that this answer seems rather vague in a way, and doesn’t go into much more detail than I already gave before I’d even turned a card over, but I’m glad: often I won’t work with such questions with the tarot as I believe that some issues need to be approached away from the cards. However, out of curiosity I decided to turn a card over, peep at what was there and (as is so often the case with the tarot!) it reflected exactly what was needed. So there you have it, from both me and the cards: please look at our helpline page and get some support as soon as possible. You have such a wonderful approach to this huge difficulty that if anyone can make this work, you can ?
I wish you all the very best with everything,
Ste (The Tarot Cat)
Do you have a problem you’d like help with? Every month, Uncle Ste asks his cards a question from our readers, giving a unique insight into the root of your issue. Ste is a tarot reader, fully qualified counsellor, and also runs a LGBT helpline. All of these things inform how he works with the cards – his tarot readings are creative, fun, empowering and inclusive. He is a considerate and experienced person-centred reader who uses tarot as a kind of esoteric therapy, rather than as a future predictor.
Would love to hear your view of this situation in the comments, and if you’d like to contact him directly, visit him at the Tarot Cat website.
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Originally published on TABI
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