Agony Aunt: Drunken Mum at Wedding

Dear Gael, I am going to be a bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding next week, and I am dreading it. My mum gets drunk wherever she goes, and I’m worried that she’ll make a show, and then somehow or other I will be the crazy woman acting out. What do I do? Vicky x

Dear Vicky,

Before I even start, I want to shot out, loud and clear, “Detach!” Detach with Love, but Detach! Your mum does NOT need you to look after her, she needs to find her own bottom, and she probably will, sometime, but why let yourself get caught in the maelstrom? Step back and let others deal with it.

So anyway, I drew three cards from the Paulina Tarot. It’s a fairy deck, but it’s not airy – it cuts straight to the point! But isn’t the imagery just lovely! The cards were:

Awareness: Page of Swords

Acceptance: Page of Cups inverted

Action: Four of Cups

I’m going to jump straight to the end, and then go back to the beginning. The Four generally talks about taking a bit of time out, of stepping back and watching the world go by like a show, and Cups (the suit of Love and emotions) talk of being too emotionally drained to go and do anything about it. In this deck, however, our maiden, rather than sitting back too disgruntled to join in, is standing right up there on a pedestal looking down on the show, being seen and holding her head up high. She looks very aloof, but she is being offered a conciliatory bunch of flowers… we just don’t know if she is going to accept the gesture! This is the card of Action, don’t forget!

So, back to the beginning. Your spread starts with two Pages. and I feel they are both referring to you. Pages usually represent someone who is young and eager to learn; And the Suits relate to elements.

Swords, the element of Air, represent our logic. From that comes our communication skills, hence the saying “her tongue was sharp as a sword”. Can I ask have there been sharp words spoken? You mentioned you sister is in denial! Anyway, the cards are trying to make us aware that our communication is what we need to become aware of. And not all communication is verbal. Sometimes our body language, our facial expressions give us away. The expression springs to mind “It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it”.

I mentioned before that Cups, with a water element, is the suit of emotion. Of love. And the Page of Cups speaks of an innocent love, and purity of motive. And this is the love you feel for your sister, which is appearing inverted, or all upside down. But even though it is upside down, and something is not quite right, the love is still there. When we can accept that things aren’t quite as we would have them, when we can accept things as they are, then we can still savour the parts we love. This card suggests to me that you two should try to speak from the heart. And not necessarily about the problems. You both know the problems are there, but this card wants us to acknowledge and cherish the precious love.

So then, back to the beginning… what are we going to do? The Action card, 4 of Cups, is suggesting we step back and let them get on with it. Step above the fray, and don’t get riled!! It reminds me of the epitaph which starts one of our Al Anon readings: “Finally I learned to mind my own business!”

These cards are asking yo to focus on what is most important that day – the BRIDE!!! You are her Bridesmaid, your role is to be part of what makes this a special day! This is supposed to be a day of love – so have lots of love and lots of hankies to hand x

Let the Bouncers take care of the trouble. You know, those distant cousins from South Wales who hardly ever see her, and who don’t have your emotional attachment. Detach, and you’ll be fine!

AND – I’ve just noticed the root card at the bottom of the pack, it’s the Queen of Cups. The Queen of Love! The nurturing mother who gives her heart to her children. That is what to focus on at this wedding. The bits of her you love, never mind the rest!

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