Agony Aunt: Landlady
Dear Gael,
I recently separated from my girlfriend, and took a room in a private house. The Landlady and her friend who interviewed me are both in AA (as is the other lodger), but I didn’t let that bother me since they said they’re OK with normal social drinking.
The Landlady has turned out to be a bit of a nag, and is constantly complaining. She nags me about my drinking (I need to drown my sorrows – wouldn’t you), which is none of her business anyway, just because she is an alcoholic herself and just because she doesn’t drink she won’t let anyone else drink!
She’s a freak about the kitchen; and whenever I go to clean up my dishes, she has already done it, and then moans that I didn’t do it instantly. ONCE I left my morning dump in the toilet, and she sent a picture around the house group, with a picture of the toilet brush. This is nearly as bad as the passive aggressive post-its my former housemates used to leave, but worse.
Now she is asking me to either quit drinking or move out. What should I do, I’ve only been here a month. Yours in frustration, Jock
Hi Jock, I’ll get straight to the point. If you want to live in harmony with other people then you have to ascertain their expectations, and fit in to the ethos of the household. Assuming this is not a student pig-sty of a shared house, but rather a home which is generally kept clean and tidy, then perhaps you should consider being clean and tidy. Presumably the post it notes left in your former house were an indication that they weren’t happy with your standards either?
I have used my new favourite deck, the Housewives Tarot, to and since you came for a private reading (and thank you for letting me share this) I drew cards in twelve positions to fit your question:
1. Heart of the Matter: Eight of Pentacles
2. Crossing your path: Knight of Swords Rx, King of Pentacles (Rx), Nine of Cups Rx
3. Underlying issues: Page of Wands, Two of Pentacles
4. Past: The Emperor
5. Overlying influences: The Devil
6. Future: Five of Pentacles
7. How you see out: Ace of Swords (action is borne in thought)
8. How you feel others see you: Nine of Pentacles Rx
9. Hopes or Fears: Queen of Cups Rx, High Priestess Rx
10. Outcome if you continue this current path: The Wheel of Fortune.
11. Advice: Page of Wands, King of Cups, Temperance
At a glance this tells me that things will only start getting better for you if you choose the path of recovery!!! Once you find you can identify your fears and let go of them as a result, then things will start looking up.
So, to start with the Heart of the Matter, which is YOU and where you are at now, we drew the 8 of Pentacles. Eights are a time of moving forward with intent when we have gotten good at what we are doing and this woman is meticulously polishing a dinner plate. Pentacles usually relate to matters of security, such as our homelife, and this sounds as though you are in a place where you are expected to be proficient at housekeeping, but you think perhaps the standards are too high. Well, take my advice… set the bar high and impress these people with your washing up skills. Put a bit of effort in to live up to her expectations if you want to stay there! Her house, her rules!
The Knight of Swords is the gallant young chap who wants to gallop to everyone’s rescue… and in doing so is often hasty. Sometimes, especially if inverted, he says stuff that he regrets after, or makes commitments he can’t keep (like walking dogs on a regular basis)! But never fear, he is being protected by the King of Pentacles, (perhaps your Landlady’s husband?) But this too is reversed, so you might find yourself having to ask him pretty loud. And then the Nine of Cups… what joy, what love!! People celebrating life together in harmony. But again, it’s inverted, suggesting that in order for this to manifest, somebody (you) is going to have to kickstart this project into action!
The Page of Wands, which is your underlying issue, is your son. At that age where he is rich for learning, the Page of Wands is passionate about what he does, and when he is on a project, he is on it fully. But his passion for learning takes him to different interests, and he has trouble juggling everything he wants to do with his family life, which already requires extra time commitment from him. But he is doing so, yet another thing to be grateful for.
The Emperor apparently led you to this place. He is the King of all elements, therefore his leadership is balanced. He knows what he has to do in order to be able to play this role again, which is exactly why you have come to us. You presented your Emperor face when you interviewed for the place in this house; it is clearly because you want to make better contact with that side of yourself that you came here. But that will require a change. BTW, they say that there are two things that alcoholics don’t like – change, and the way things are.
Moving on, you are being controlled by The Devil. This card has appeared in the Overlying issues, the influencing factors position. Face it, Gluttony (for the drink) is ruining your life. And Pride. And Anger. And Fear. Greed, Envy and Lust I don’t know about… But when the Devil appears in this controlling position, it’s time to start listening. Maybe it’s time for you to decide you’re fed up of living in Hell, and make the necessary changes to get out of it. In other words, have you reached your bottom yet? Do you want recovery more than the misery yet? THAT’S when you’re ready to change. When you want to escape the misery. You ARE drinking too much, blackout drinking can NOT be considered ‘sociable’ in a sober household!
The Five of Pentacles is probably where you’re present path will lead. The Five of Pentacles is a difficult card. It speaks of loneliness and isolation, of not being good enough and of being separate from everyone else. But the truth is, everyone is there, and ready to help. They just need asking! Don’t be afraid of asking if you don’t know something. It’s far better t flatter others by asking them for guidance, than it is to just take a wild guess and get it wrong.
The Ace of Swords tell us that you are looking out at a new project – a new passion that will fulfil you intellectually. It might be a seed that you have been coveting for a long time, but afraid to really get in there with the crowd. But all action is born in thought, so if you are thinking about getting this thing off the ground, then now is the time to start watering that seed and do it!
The Nine of Pentacles inverted is an interesting one to show how you feel other regard you – you’ve been having housekeeping issues in your new home, and here we see our poor housewife with her perfect orderly dishwasher – but it’s inverted, so perhaps you are worried that others think you’re not doing enough in the kitchen. Leaving your dirty pots for days on end, leaving grease on the wall, and not throwing your rubbish away – all this causes stress if you don’t clean up after yourself. You can alleviate this concern by simply indulging in a bit of mindful washing up… helping the landlady at the same time as giving your sanity a boost!
The Queen of Cups (perhaps your ex?) is full of love, she loves that child as though she were a mother, and she is. She is full of love – but she is inverted, so you are clearly afraid of losing her. So I pulled a card to clarify why, and drew the High Priestess Inverted. Our Priestess talks of spiritual wellness and being able to look inside for the truth and love that we all seek. This is out of balance, it’s not working. She is going nuts, and needs some time alone to heal herself.
The Wheel of Fortune keeps going round and round. When it appears it is telling us that it might well be the right time to jump off that wheel. So I have hope that this time is it. It’s not reversed, so you should have no trouble making that leap – again, it means the time is right. It may well be that you decide to get back on the wheel. One day at a time that is our choice… but by jumping off the wheel for a while you will at least learn something. Seeds might be planted that will stick.
Perhaps, if we’re going to be really honest, we can go back to our Ace of Swords. You are currently looking out at the other members of the house, and seeing them in recovery, and are wondering if recovery might be the right path for you? Well, all I can say, is try it out for a while. Stay with them, accept the fellowship they have to offer, and see if you like sobriety. If the seed is there, nurture it now.
And this brings us to the position of advice. The Knight of Wands, setting off on a spiritual journey. Drop the Brash Knight of Swords persona racing ahead at full steam, and start focussing on your spiritual journey. Mixed in there with the King of Cups – give all your love and support to those around you. There is no need to cut them down with your tongue, rather build them up with the warmth of your heart. And Temperance – the Angel of Healing. If you find the right balance, you can heal yourself. But it needs work. From you.
And I’m going to summarise and close with the card in the AVOID like the plague position. Check the photo for the image… It needs no more words (but it’s telling you to lay off the drink!) x
Jock, your future is in your hands. It seems that if you choose recovery, then you are in the right place. A house FULL of sober people. It might be worth listening to what they have to say!
All the best,
Gael x
As a long term member of various 12 step fellowships, Gael has a broad experience of counseling people who have been struggling with issues such as alcoholism and addiction; as well as women who have suffered abuse at the hands of alcoholics and addicts. She also sponsors women through the steps in fellowships which handle co-dependent relationship issues. As a guest columnist she brings her experience of this recovery to her readings, helping people to work through their underlying issues in a manner which will enable them to move forwards with gratitude.
If you have a dilemma which you think Gael might be able to help you untangle, please send her an email: gaelerdhart@yahoo.com
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